Why We Need Our Tribe

By Jasna Cameron

"Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known." – Nellie McClung

“Female friendships are just a hop to our sisterhood, and sisterhood can be a very powerful force.” – Jane Fonda

If you haven't already, read the book "Red Tent" by Anita Diamond. At face value, the red tent was an actual tent where the women of the same tribe would retreat for the duration of their synchronized menstrual cycle and childbirth. The red tent was the realm of women where they exalted in the mysteries of the fair gender, away from the oppressive influence of men. Today, the red tent symbolizes the empowerment of women by women. It represents the strength women need when they are at their most vulnerable and the power and resilience they gain from the women of their tribe through unity, sharing, and compassion.

From the dawn of time, women needed each other to share the heavy burdens that fell upon them. They helped each other through the pains of childbirth. They joined forces in feeding and nurturing their families. They were "the village" we speak of when we say it takes a village to raise a child because they all looked after each other's children in their village. They shared their fears, dreams, hopes, sadness, and pain, but most of all, they shared their strength. The true power came from this close-knit bond, and they realized that the whole was always greater than the sum of its parts.

Even though heavily marginalized in modern history, women persisted in seeking out the comfort and strength of sisterhood. For example, back in the 18th century, there were the Salon Suppers, a club where women of the day could meet and share their knowledge while discussing literature. Movements like this demonstrate just how resilient our foremothers were because 100 years on, in the late 19th century, restaurants in the New World would not even serve unchaperoned ladies. As if women could not exist in public life without being closely monitored by their men. Sadly this may still hold for some highly religious societies even today.

The science behind our need for female friendships

There is an instinctive need in all of us to seek out this long-forgotten power source. We have science on our side, explaining why we crave the bonds of sisterhood. Science has opened our eyes to the difference sisterhood makes for our happiness and physical health.

 Most people understand the "flight or fight" survival response in highly stressful, dangerous situations. But this has mainly been observed and analyzed with male subjects, who release higher testosterone levels when threatened, unlike women. In addition, testosterone is associated with higher aggression levels, making men want to fight the danger.

Women have higher levels of estrogen. Estrogen regulates the feel-good hormone, Serotonin and facilitates the release of endorphins, and it also increases the levels of oxytocin in our system. Oxytocin and cortisol are released as a response to stressful situations by men and women alike. Research suggests that oxytocin positively impacts trust, generosity, and our need for companionship.

More female-orientated research is needed to evaluate women's unique responses to stressful situations. For example, as women release more estrogen, the increase in oxytocin levels prompts us to seek social support and care for our children, thereby buffering the fight or flight response observed in men. Drs Laura Klein and Shelley Taylor refer to it as the "tend and befriend" pattern found in females of many species, not just humans.

According to the experts, this crucial difference makes women live longer than men. Men are negatively affected by their experiences of aggression and withdrawal in response to stress on a physiological level. In contrast, women find comfort through their response and successfully diminish the impact of stress.

How our tribe can help our health

By nature, women are more empathic and nurturing. So we are instinctively drawn to caregiving roles. However, giving so much of yourself to tend to others can leave you feeling drained, which has been recognized as a serious threat to modern-day women's overall health and wellbeing. You need your fellow sisters' restorative presence and caring touch to replenish your resources.

Studies confirm this premise. In 2006, the research found that breast cancer patients were more likely to die if they had no close friends. Women with ten friends or more were less likely to die from this disease. Their survival was closely correlated to their strong and supportive friendships. More studies revealed how strong circles of friends helped lower blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol, reducing the risk of breast cancer.

More Harvard studies looked at the overall health and happiness of women who have close female friends as they get older. The more robust the friendships, the healthier the women are.

This enhanced health comes about as a result of the way women interact with each other, which contributes to our general wellbeing. Women are good at communicating, voicing their woes and offering advice, sharing experiences, and supporting and empowering each other through change and challenges. Women allow each other to be vulnerable by sharing their own vulnerability and, in doing so, strengthen the bonds of sisterhood, giving it the power to sustain, heal, and uplift them. 

Let your sisters help you climb the ladder of success

Boys’ clubs have been around for some time, benefiting their members mainly in professional spheres. However, sisterhoods can also prove to be a great resource in this area.

Many studies followed various successful female leaders and found that these women were a part of close-knit female groups of like-minded and successful women. The emotional and physical support they received from their women tribe is a predominant characteristic of their journeys to the top. According to a Harvard Business Review study, women who rely on their female-dominated inner circle were twice more likely to reach influential leadership roles.

Conclusion

Modern society took away our "village," which was there to provide the physical, emotional, mental, and moral support in the past. We have been misled to seek independence and self-reliance at the expense of losing all the benefits a close-knit community can offer. We live fervently protecting our privacy, banning others from interfering, and preventing ourselves from asking for help for fear of being branded as weak. We also fail to push when we see others who may need our help but are too proud to ask. We have fallen into the trap of competing who can be the better alpha male instead of celebrating the power of the female. No one says you cannot do it alone, but you shouldn't have to.

Reach out to your tribe. If you don't have one, find one in your vicinity. Seek out other women who share your interests and values. If you cannot find one, then create one. More women out there need the sisterhood's positivity, strength, and growth than you could ever imagine.