To Be or Not to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

By Jasna Cameron

With so many conflicting messages about balancing work and motherhood, to be or not to be a stay-at-home mom is not an easy question to answer.

We are far from 1950s America, where the picture-perfect nuclear family had working dads as the sole breadwinners and moms as housewives in charge of households and parenting. Statistics show that today working mothers are in the majority. It is as much about women's rights as it is about the state of the economy. Most households cannot depend on a sole income any longer.

However, the general public would still prefer mothers to forget about climbing the corporate ladder and return to caring for their families. Despite the egalitarian enlightenment and advances of feminism, according to the 2013 Pew Research results, more than 51% of the population believes that families, especially children, are negatively affected by mothers not being at home full time.

It is a great predicament. On the one hand, mothers have to deal with the high cost of child care and house management and, on the other hand, juggle the demands of their jobs. They must keep at it on both ends to survive in today's world. Deciding whether or not to be a stay-at-home mom (if you are in the position to weigh up your options) is subject to several factors which may influence the outcome. The external factors are usually the financial and logistical obligations, while the internal ones are usually based on emotion. 

How do I decide?

Even though many may think that this decision has to be based on your budget and expenses, it is not as simple as the money matters.

There are no right or wrong answers. First of all, they each carry with them their own set of advantages as well as disadvantages. Secondly, there is no "one size first all" scenario or specific guidelines to follow to determine which way to go. The correct answer is the answer fit for your family and your set of circumstances, and yes, you, the mom.

The advantages of being a working mom:

The American Psychological Association published a study in 2011 stating that working moms scored better on mental health and overall happiness. The following year a poll conducted by Gallup supported these findings by reporting that depression was higher among the stay at home moms. They also exhibited higher levels of worry and sadness than working moms.

The most significant advantage of being a working mom is that it seems to be a better option for the mom herself, according to a 2014 study.

This does not mean that only the moms benefit from this arrangement. Harvard Research Study stressed that the children of working moms became more educated later on, with daughters specifically more likely to be employed in higher grade careers.

An interesting outcome for the sons of working moms was that they seem more apt at home and child care than the sons of stay-at-home moms. A plausible explanation is that the children learn to model the skills of their working mothers, who balance their job responsibilities with household management and family care. For daughters, this means they are more open to pursuing a solid career path, and for sons - they don't shy away from housework as a parallel responsibility to their job demands.

Further research to ease the guilty conscience of working moms stipulates that because of time constraints, quality time with their family is a priority, and it does not suffer compared to the quality time that stay-at-home moms spend with their kids.

The disadvantages of being a working mom:

For some women, it is unfortunately not a choice to remain employed. Instead, they have to work to support their families. But whether it is by choice or necessity, no one can negate the difficulty of balancing work and motherhood.

As a Pew survey confirms, more than 50% of working moms confess that being a parent makes it very hard to keep climbing the corporate ladder. But, on the same note, they feel that work obligations often get in the way of parenting.

 The balancing act is complex, and the burden may be too heavy for some moms to bear.

The advantages of being a stay-at-home mom: 

In some cases, the stay-at-home option works better for the moms and their families as it reduces the stressors influencing their daily life. Multitasking can take its toll on the mother's mental health. By letting go of job-related stress, moms can entirely shift their focus to their families.

For some moms opting to stay at home works out better for purely financial reasons, and the growing cost of child care makes it cheaper for them not to be employed outside of their home. This has led to a massive exodus of working moms from their places of employment in recent years, confirming the statistics. To illustrate this point, in 1999, only about 23 % of moms were stay-at-home moms, but over the past few years, the numbers have grown significantly, and the soaring childcare costs are primarily responsible.

The costs of US daycare centers range from $11,666 per year on average, with the average pay for a nanny up to $3,033 per month. And these costs are calculated per child! Nannies can also charge more if there are more children under their care. By staying at home, you could be saving your family money! That is an advantage and a half!

Apart from the financial benefits you also gain by being there for your children whenever they need you and being their primary teacher and role model. As a stay-at-home mom, you don't have to stress over school and daycare closures (remember that pandemic); you are there to pick them up from school if they feel sick, you are there to organize their schedule as your priority, and you are there for every detail of their upbringing.

Research performed in 2013 also showed that children of stay-at-home moms score higher in the academic domains.

The disadvantages of being a stay-at-home mom:

Being a stay-at-home mom is still equivalent to having a full-time job, regardless of what some people mistakenly believe. Stay-at-home moms get diagnosed with burnout, too, just like your overworked accountants and attorneys.

Not everyone is cut out to be a stay-at-home mom, regardless of your boundless love for your children. You may be better suited to be a working mom who will love and care for your children. Let’s not forget that some moms cannot afford to be the stay at home moms because their families will suffer without their additional income.

The most significant disadvantage that stay-at-home moms report experiencing is their inability to pursue a career. Short of returning to work, as always, many mothers have found ways to address this matter by freelancing, volunteering, or working part-time.

Conclusion

Before you decide whether to join the ranks of stay-at-home moms (if you are a working mom) or go back to work if you have been a stay-at-home mom, spend some time researching the advantages and disadvantages of both, specific to your situation. Base your decision on your needs and circumstances without worrying about how others may judge your choice. Also, you are a mom, don't forget you have a fine-tuned intuition regarding your parental decisions. Listen to yourself.