Bonding at Delivery
Your partner has grown, carried, and is about to deliver your child. You’ve supported your partner throughout this exciting time, and now the time has come for you to meet your little one! But how? When it comes to bonding, often, non-birthing partners are left wondering where they fit during the Golden hour of skin-to-skin, breastfeeding initiation, and medical assessments of the newborn. In this article, we will explore how to best be present, involved, and bond with your newborn at delivery.
According to studies, “Especially during delivery, they (fathers) felt powerless and tormented because they could not identify their roles. However, after the baby was born, they felt surprised, loved, and responsible for their baby. They also expressed that they felt the changes in themselves and recognized their responsibility as a parent.” As a labor nurse, I’ve witnessed first hand the varying reactions of fathers in the delivery process. Some stand back and need the encouragement and “Okay” to participate. Some are terrified to pick up the baby. Some are in tears, and have a steady stream of pictures and videos collecting to proudly send out. Some are on the floor passed out. All jokes aside, however you find yourself during the emotional part of your baby coming earth side, you are also changing as your partner does.
What Do I Do?
Get involved. Sounds easy, we know. However, at Leva that’s where we come in. We aim to holistically support your family. As your wife goes through our childbirth class, has a prenatal lactation consultation, or a meeting with our Doula, the best thing you can do is be present.
Studies show that “fathers had positive experiences of support when …nurses provided practical information and stimulated them to be involved in care of their children.” Knowing what to expect at delivery and being familiar with your partner’s health care team helps bonding all around. It helps you build your relationship further with your partner as your identities now evolve into parents, helps you bond with your baby, and helps you to bond with the team members. This ensures you feel heard, identify questions to ask, and get them answered.
It’s Go Time
It’s really happening. The contractions have begun, maybe your partner's water broke, or you're driving to the birthing center for the scheduled induction or cesarean section time. You’ve prepared; you know the rough plan of care. What now? Will you be in the way? The simple answer is NO. I’ve always applauded the partners standing at bedside as we are moving mom to different positions, and that doesn’t change when baby is born. We encourage and hope that you will jump in to be a part of these intimate moments.
To maximize you're bonding experience, here are some suggestions you may want to talk with the delivery team about:
Assisting with delivery or bringing baby up to mom’s stomach following delivery. After delivery, as long as baby is transitioning well, we immediately place baby skin to skin with mom to allow the baby to bond, initiate breastfeeding, and stabilize their vital signs. Some providers may allow you to help “catch” or move baby from perineum up to the mom’s stomach/chest (depending on cord length) while delayed cord clamping is happening.
Listen and assist with latching. Don’t be terrified. I’m not asking you to be the lactation consultant. But instead, listen to the tips on how to get a wide latch, help mom to be comfortable, and assist with moving pillows to support mom and baby. Just because she’s breastfeeding doesn’t mean she doesn't need help. Often moms say they wish they had another 4 arms or hands!
Skin to skin. Just as skin to skin benefits mom and baby, it also benefits you and baby. It helps to decrease your blood pressure and stress levels (cortisol). In addition, “study results confirm the positive effects of skin-to-skin contact interventions on the infant care behavior of fathers in terms of exploring, talking, touching, and caring and on the enhancing of the father-neonate attachment.”
Be an active participant in care. During nurse assessments, obtatining vital signs, learning about hunger cues, and diaper counts/changes. All of these things help you to understand your baby’s needs and how to best care for them. “The possibility for both parents to be involved in the child’s care on equal terms is increased when the father feels included, and it will also be more natural for the father to participate in the care of the child.”
Conclusion
Bonding doesn’t happen over night or even during the duration of a hospital stay. “Klaus and Kennell [2] defined bonding as a phenomenon of correspondence with parents’ interest and affection for their children rather than a mutual affection between parents and children.” It’s a slow jog versus the sprint. Give yourself credit for the things you are doing, learning, and how you are changing yourself. Remember that while your partner is growing into a parent, so are you.
