Women Supporting Women

Jasna Veljkovic
Coach, Writer, Advocate

To All The Women Out There:

Countless women around the world face unthinkable horrors on a daily basis. They fight to keep their freedom in the face of devastating challenges. You can just click on any news channel and witness stories of gender bias, shameful neglect, and horrific abuse. What is even more frightening is just how many women in my vicinity still suffer in silence. 

We all need as much support from our “sisters” who know and understand the depth of our struggles.

I am not a crusader. I do not have the vision to spur me on to change the world and break barriers to fight for the downtrodden like those heroines before me. I know how much we owe to women like Rosa Parks, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Amelia Eckhart. I honor their bravery, sacrifice, and their great deeds.  They and other women warriors like them changed the world by standing up to the ingrained gender prejudices. 

I am just a plain and simple suburban working mom, going about my daily routine, driving my kids around, staying on top of my household chores, starting up a new business, and doing my best to stay fit and healthy.

But there must be something I can do! There must be a way that I can help my fellow warrior queens and empower them in my day-to-day life? I set about finding ways to do just that…

What History Can Teach Us

Throughout history, women empowerment made its mark in different eras. Woman’s suffrage movement secured our political rights to vote in the 19th and early 20th centuries. The sexual revolution of the 1960s redefined women’s role in society and established our reproductive rights. The third wave of feminism which started in the 1990s sought to address the basic ideas of femininity propagated by the media changing the negative narratives. The fourth wave, a feminist movement that began in 2012, was focused on attaining gender equality by highlighting the prevailing marginalization of women in the world today.

Learning about different feminist waves, their triggers, areas of focus and main proponents opened my eyes to the issues which are still plaguing our modern society. 

What needs to be done & what you can do today

At first, my wish to make a difference in the lives of my “sisters” seemed like a mission impossible because of the far-reaching impact historical revolutions and women empowerment movements have had across the globe. However, I discovered that numerous everyday things still need our attention and are in our power to act on. 

The advantage that we have today is that we recognize the need to reconnect. We have answered the ancestral call for feminine unity which we downplayed for generations. The words of a wellness practitioner Lalah Delia spoke to me: “We gather and sustain one another by nature”.

There are many ways in which you can support the women around you to make a difference in how they deal with the challenges of their careers, motherhood, physical and emotional wellness, and societal pressures. 

1. You can be open and vulnerable to encourage your sisters to do the same. I chose to be honest in writing about my struggles, my fears, and my losses. I chose to share my life, the good the bad, and the ugly hoping to make it ok for the others to do the same. I also support other women when they want to share their weaknesses and reach out for help. Let them know you are there to listen. 

2. Be kind. Support that mom who is feeling judged while her toddler is having a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket, by giving her a reassuring smile full of compassion and maybe even a helping hand. Tell her she is doing a great job. Praise the women in your surroundings for their achievements as much as you can, be it your colleague or your neighbor.  Also show gratitude whenever you have a chance, from that cup of coffee at work your assistant brought you to your mother for raising you right. 

Bindiya Gandhi, M.D., American Board Family Medicine–certified physician advocates:  "Tell the women in your life you love and care for them," 

3. And give compliments, every day, to the girls behind the counter, the lady managers, your kid’s nursery teachers, even strangers. Promote body positivity but don’t just focus on physical traits. Voice compliments on achievements, intelligence, resourcefulness, generosity, and strength.

While learning to give compliments, teach yourself to accept compliments too. It sets a great positive example for others as we have been conditioned to shy away from compliments, doubting our own sense of worth.

4. Stand up for your female colleagues. Whatever position you hold in your company you can exercise your right to support other women in the workplace. As a leader, you can mentor your female employees, stir them in the right direction for promotional opportunities and sing their praises even to your own superiors. If you have a female boss, express your admiration of her and make her proud by fostering enviable positivity in your team, letting her know how much you value her guiding hand. For those women in your team, support them even if you have to step back a little to let them shine for others to see. Studies show that in business meetings 75% of the talking is done by men. Use your presentation as an opportunity to hear your female colleagues' opinions by actively asking them for input. But most importantly do not keep quiet if you witness an injustice especially if there is a strong gender bias in your workplace.

5.As a stay-at-home mom you can also show your support for working women by endorsing businesses owned by women, reminds Dinorah Nieves, Ph.D. behavioral scientist and personal development coach.

6.Empower the women around you by helping them own their strength despite being praised for their meekness by the greater society. Help other women understand that they need not justify their wants in relation to other people’s needs. Women often neglect themselves at the expense of their loved ones and confuse self-care with selfishness. Be the advocate for self-love and compassion. Remind your friends that their mental and emotional well-being is their responsibility and their right. Encourage them to pursue their interests and prioritize their needs.

In the words of Bobi Wegner, a clinical psychologist at Boston Behavioral Medicine and adjunct lecturer in child advocacy at Harvard Graduate School of Education:

"Be a role model for young girls, paying close attention to statements about gender behavior”.

7.You can go above and beyond and find a women's group or movement to become a part of. Perhaps you can volunteer your time, money, or resources to a women’s shelter near you.

8. Stop competing for a badge of honor for your suffering and sacrifices by advocating for other women to do the same while shaming the ones who stay clear of that self-destructive trap. Promoting misguided messages on social media which celebrate unachievable perfection of womanhood in itself shames the women who barely cope to live up to the unreasonable standards expected of them

Conclusion

Celebrate womanhood by strengthening your awareness, beliefs, and narrative of gender issues in the world around you.

Stand up to discrimination and gender inequality by adding your voice to the power of collective unity.  

Work towards ensuring the safety of other women by watching each other’s backs whether walking your friend to the toilet in a busy bar or looking out for a complete stranger at an empty bus stop. 

Show up to events that publicize feminine issues, use social media to highlight important matters, and join or create helpful networks which women around you may need. It could be support groups for young or single mothers or female entrepreneurs or mental health forums or even just a neighborhood ladies' book club. The strength in numbers will promote positivity while you celebrate each other’s successes and offer help in times of need.

In your own way, every thought you have can become a great message and an even better action in helping the women around you live safe, meaningful, and productive lives. Thank you for creating a brighter future for our daughters.