How To Support Your Spouse Through Infertility
Written By Ashley Morgan, IVF Mom
Infertility affects one out of every six couples worldwide, yet it’s an incredibly isolating experience. Society tells us not to speak about these issues for fear of looking inadequate in some shape or form. This stigma causes us to turn inward and compartmentalize our unresolved feelings when what would help the most is finding someone else that’s going through it too.
Changing society is a long-term goal, but in the meantime, the actions you can take as a spouse can make a world of difference. My husband and I have been living with female-factor infertility for nine years. We now have a 10-month-old beautiful baby girl. Our marriage survived many struggles, and I’m confident that it’s because my husband stepped up and provided emotional support along the way. Whether you’re experience male or female-factor infertility, here are some ways you can support your spouse through infertility:
1 - Show Up For Appointments
Infertility appointments suck. They’re invasive, embarrassing, and don’t even get me started on Wanda…IYKYK. But having a spouse along can lighten the mood and take some of the pressure off. Even if the infertility is only one-sided, being there for your spouse will make them feel less alone in the process. Attend even the most mundane appointments whenever possible.
2 - Remind Your Spouse that this is Not Their Fault
Every single person that experiences infertility will wonder if they did something to cause it. Let your spouse know that you don’t blame them, and there is nothing they did wrong. It will go a long way, and you may even need to remind them a few times. But those few words are so worth it.
3 - Do Research
Take the mental load off of your spouse and research, research, research. Come to appointments knowledgeable and prepared. Ask good questions. Your spouse’s head is probably spinning with new information. The best thing you can do is to provide a stable, steady headspace. Take good notes.
4 - Do Your Part
Even if you aren’t experiencing infertility, for treatment to work, you need all systems working properly. Consider taking vitamins that are known to improve egg or sperm quality. Exercise, eat healthy, and take care of yourself. Be willing to undergo treatment or procedures that improve chances from your end as well.
5 - Plan a Trip for Your Spouse
Most couples experiencing infertility hear this: “Oh, just go on vacation, then you’ll get pregnant. You just need to relax.” We know this isn’t true. Relaxation doesn’t magically get you pregnant. However, a trip away from appointments, treatments, and procedures would do anyone good. Put a pause on treatment and take a vacation. Infertility really takes the “fun” out of everything, so a getaway where you can remind yourselves why you’re together in the first place will go a long way.
Remember to take care of yourself too. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t support your spouse if you’re struggling too. Infertility may be a one-sided problem biologically, but emotionally it is a tandem issue. I highly recommend therapy, whether you see a counselor alone or with your spouse. Talk with your friends and family when you feel comfortable. Chances are someone will pipe up and say, “Hey, we struggled too!” Comfort is found in community. If you aren’t comfortable talking with people you know, there are some wonderful infertility support groups on social media for every type of issue.
You and your spouse can do this. Lean on each other and get help when you need it. Your relationship can come out stronger by going through this if you remember you are in it together and you have the same goals.
