Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

By Alison Heyerdahl

Human beings have compared themselves to others since the beginning of time.  It is an inbuilt tendency of the mind, and in some ways, it can be helpful. It can give you a blueprint for improvement and inspire you to change, but at other times, comparisons can be a means to pick yourself apart.  For example, recognizing the similarities you have with others can help you feel connected, validated, and supported. But for the most part, comparing yourself to others can leave you feeling inadequate and alone.

 Often, when we compare ourselves to others, we’re comparing their best features against our average ones.  It’s almost like being right-handed and trying to play an instrument with your left hand. Seldom are comparisons accurate or fair.

Comparing yourself to others also takes away valuable time and energy that could be better spent on celebrating the present moment.  We present practical ways to end the comparison game and get on with building your unique life:

1. Don’t compare your life to everyone’s highlight reel.
   As eluded to before, we often make comparisons between the worst parts of ourselves and the best parts of others.  We spend so much time and emotional energy keeping up with the life we think everybody else is having or think we are missing out on.  However, we are often only seeing a small slice of someone’s reality. Instead of feeling jealous, use other people’s achievements as motivation. Who are the people you most admire that are making a difference in the world? Reach out to them to find inspiration so you can become a better person.

2. Focus on your strengths.
   When we compare ourselves to others, we focus on their strengths and achievements and ignore our own.  Keep a written record of all your achievements. It doesn’t matter whether they are big or small.  Include everything you can think of.  At the end of each week, reflect on this list.  It will bolster your self-esteem and give you a sense of healthy pride.

3. Recognize your inner critic.
   Naming or labeling negative or destructive thoughts helps us cut the attachment to this negative commentary.  Our inner critic, or the voice inside our head, often treats us with outright contempt.  In fact, most times, we treat others better than we treat ourselves.  Recognize when your inner critic starts to bring you down.  Start a conversation with it, and start changing your inner narrative.

4. Compete with yourself instead of others.
   Instead of focusing outwards on others, focus inwards on your own goals and aspirations.  Being the best version of ourselves through consistent dedication to personal development is the only way to grow.  Commit to growing and learning a little bit each day and celebrate your small successes without comparing them to others. One of the best ways to recognize if you’ve learned, stretched, and improved is to keep a journal.  Tracking your progress over time can help you acknowledge your triumphs and make you feel proud of your growth. 

5. Set boundaries on social media use.
   It is virtually impossible to be on social media and not compare yourself to others.  Most times, we only see the very best of people's lives, which can leave us feeling like we are not enough.  Social media can have a massive negative effect on our well-being.  You may want to consider:

• Setting a timer on your social media use.

• Unfollowing accounts/people that make you feel bad about yourself.

• Unsubscribing from emails/marketing materials that make you feel bad about yourself.

In conclusion, comparisons should not be the motivation behind why we do anything.  Remember that there will always be someone more successful, intelligent, or attractive.  Focus on living your own unique life, and don't give away your power. 

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